Last night we rented Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove,
a low-budget horror movie about a pirate ghost 
who is released from his centuries-long captivity in a cursed treasure chest by teens making out on the beach.
Once out of his confinement, he takes revenge on the descendants of his mutinous crew in a town they founded using his stolen gold.
Jolly Roger must collect the heads of each of the descendants and throw them in his treasure chest to make their spirits show him the way to his lost gold.
Two teens, who survived Jolly Roger’s first killing spree on the beach, are accused of killing their friends until the pirate starts showing up all over town beheading people.
The Chief of Police discovers a way to catch Jolly Roger after watching the security tape from a strip club over and over and over and over….
The Police chief and the teens steal Jolly Roger’s treasure chest and place it in a warehouse so they can confront him when he appears. Their great plan is to stand in front of the chest and talk to him. Once Jolly Roger appears, the chief pulls out his gun and points it at the ghost because when you’re confronted with a ghost the smart thing to do is shoot at it. That will stop it in it’s tracks!
The ghost pirate shoots the chief, wounding him in the side, then throws the newly collected heads into his chest only to find his spell isn’t working. He needs one more head.
The boy gives it to him: he grabs Jolly Roger’s sword and lops his ghostly pirate head off. We see green blood splurting everywhere for a few minutes before the climatic ending of Jolly Roger’s body and chest magically disappearing in a tiny poof of smoke.
A few months later, the teens and the recovering chief meet up while visiting the warehouse. They talk for a few moments before the chief notices the chest has magically reappeared before them. Stupidly, they open the chest to find it empty. Then Jolly Roger pops up behind them and kills them! YARG! The end…or is it?
The dialogue in the movie was about as professional as Fatman:
“Who’s going to believe us? All our friends are dead!”
“They were my friends too, dammit!”
And the singing pirate who must make a bad pirate joke before each kill - superb! You gotta love the fact that he can appear wherever he pleases out of thin air, but needs to use the door when it’s time to leave.
Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum, sixteen heads in a dead man’s chest! Yarg!
Overall, I give this movie 1 pegleg.
So if pirates suck so much, why are you watching a pirate movie? And who ended up winning? That’s right, the pirate. You just wish you had green blood.
Also its a good thing that all ninja movies ever made are soooo good. Like the Karate Kid. That’s about as much of a ninja movie as your jolly roger movie is about pirates.
Beverly hills ninja, three ninjas, american ninja 1-5… do I need to go on? If Chris Farley could be a ninja, well…it can’t be that awesome. I could do it, I’m Chris Farley agile, I know because someome told me.
What about “is that a musket in your pocket or are you just happy to see me” classic I think!
Hey man, this sounds a lot like a movie I ran ito when I was traveling the Southwest. I spent some time in Tuscon in the mid 90’s and came across a cult favorite of local production. It was pretty raw man. But the plot sounds the same, everything pretty much sounds the same except it was a civil war man, not a pirate. The movie was called “Death Magic.” It was visceral. There was a tribe of 4 indians and everything man. Enough fake blood to drown an elephant. Best godddamn movie I’ve ever seen.