Just Give Me A Dollar

I just thought of a great horror movie for jesus freak fundies. It will be called “Teh GAY” about gay zombies spreading their plague throughout all of Christendom. Oh no!

It will begin with an innocent, straight man entering a public bathroom where he is found and bitten on his weenums by a zombie in the next stall after he alerts the zombie of his presence when his foot slips on the tile and accidentally brushes against the zombie’s foot. The gay plague soon spreads to the point where even churches aren’t immune.
But there is one man who can stop it! He’s Jesus, the kick ass white guy who rides from town to town on his Harley to preach the good word and reverse the effects of the plague, dressed as Jesus Christ except more kick ass - with bullets strapped across his chest and stuff. He eventually gathers a posse, made up mainly of the dregs whose rough lives helped them to survive, to help him fight.

The zombies are too strong though. Eventually, after hints of hope, Jesus (pronounced Hay-Zeus) loses the battle and the movie ends with him joining a flamboyant street parade with the rest of the gay zombies.

I bet Christians would pay top dollar to see that on Halloween. They could even incorporate it into their Hell Houses.

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I heard on the radio that the undid the penalty on Stremme.  They said his oil cover wasn’t on and now they say it was.  How hard is it to tell if your oil cover is loose? Now they want to hit Edwards with the same bull.  If they hit him for 25 points hell wont be on top no more.   He’ll be 4 points behind Kyle.  What difference does if make if the oil cover for the reservoir is on or not?

Ha ha, Gordon crashed!  Too bad you suck.

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Last night we rented Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove,

a low-budget horror movie about a pirate ghost
who is released from his centuries-long  captivity in a cursed treasure chest by teens making out on the beach.

Once out of his confinement, he takes revenge on the descendants of his mutinous crew in a town they founded using his stolen gold.
Jolly Roger must collect the heads of each of the descendants and throw them in his treasure chest to make their spirits show him the way to his lost gold.

Two teens, who survived Jolly Roger’s first killing spree on the beach, are accused of killing their friends until the pirate starts showing up all over town beheading people.

The Chief of Police discovers a way to catch Jolly Roger after watching the security tape from a strip club over and over and over and over….

The  Police chief and the teens steal Jolly Roger’s treasure chest and place it in a warehouse so they can confront him when he appears. Their great plan is to stand in front of the chest and talk to him.  Once Jolly Roger appears, the chief pulls out his gun and points it at the ghost because when you’re confronted with a ghost the smart thing to do is shoot at it. That will stop it in it’s tracks!

The ghost pirate shoots the chief, wounding him in the side, then throws the newly collected heads into his chest only to find his spell isn’t working. He needs one more head.

The boy gives it to him: he grabs Jolly Roger’s sword and lops his ghostly pirate head off.  We see green blood splurting everywhere for a few minutes before the climatic ending of Jolly Roger’s body and chest magically disappearing in a tiny poof of smoke.
A few months later, the teens and the recovering chief meet up while visiting the warehouse. They talk for a few moments before the chief notices the chest has magically reappeared before them. Stupidly, they open the chest to find it empty.  Then Jolly Roger pops up behind them and kills them! YARG! The end…or is it?
The dialogue in the movie was about as professional as Fatman:
“Who’s going to believe us? All our friends are dead!”
“They were my friends too, dammit!”
And the singing pirate who must make a bad pirate joke before each kill - superb! You gotta love the fact that he can appear wherever he pleases out of thin air, but needs to use the door when it’s time to leave.

Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum, sixteen heads in a dead man’s chest! Yarg!
Overall, I give this movie 1 pegleg.

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