Just Give Me A Dollar

OS I was sitting here reading my daily Dilbert calendar, and I was reminded of something completely awesome.  The comic incolves Alice punching the crap out of their CFO (good for her!).  Anyway, it remimded me of a better time, a simpler time.  A time when people looked forward to superbowl commercials, and were rewarded for this.  Specifically I was reminded of “Terrible” Terry Tate, Office Linebacker.

 This series of ads, run by REEBOK, has to be my favorite to date.  They couldn’t have picked a better premise, or a better Office Linebacker.  Terry is simply stunning in his performances, OSCAR worthy, no less.  The hits, the laughs, the pain.  Awesome.  “Its not always about the pain, sometimes its about the mind games, WOOOO.”

 Poor Jerry, he feels the pain.  If you think you can mess with Terry, remember, “You can’t hurt this! I’m a machine BABY!  WOOO  I was made for this!”  That’s right, not in this humpty bumpty, take it elsewhere, or beware. 

I’m just glad you can gfind his stuff on youtube.com 

Its like Terry said, “the only pain I’ve got time for, is that pain I’m handing out to fools who don’t know what time it is!”

Truly a masterpiece.

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This is something that I initially borrowed from an ex-brother-in-law. So, on with it. The premise is that there are four aspects of food that can make or break it, in the eyes and mouths and nose and stomach of the eater.  Some of you might be thinking that taste is the only thing that matters, but I assure you that is not the case, there is so much more to it.  Hell, there may even be a fifth category in there, but lets not get too crazy right away. So without and further ado, I give you the four Ts

1. Taste

2. Texture

3.Temperature

4. Presentation…wait that doesn’t start with T.  Damn.  Tresenpation! (there we go)

Taste is obviously very important, if something didn’t taste good, why would you eat it.  Texture is maybe a little less intuitive, but think about a juicy steak.  When you go to bite into this you find its like a gelatinous shell with a slimy, clotty, soupy center.  Doesn’t matter how good it tastes, its not the best steak, not is it something I want to eat at all.   Temperature makes sense to us, I think.  Who likes warm or hot soda? Unless you’re European or something, probably not you.  I know a Russian post doc who would get coke form a vending machine, pour it in a coffee cup and microwave it.  That’s just sick man.  Anyway, fried chicken, best served warm.  Ice cream, well, frozen if you please.   You get the picture.  Ah presentation, yet another part of a meal that is subtle, yet very important.  If someone made food that literally looked like vomit and turds, chances are you’d skip it and eat something that looked better.  It mostly all makes sense, mostly.  So, when you’re preparing a meal or even eating one, think about the 4Ts, I mean the 3TP of food, and judge it, judge it HARSHLY.

I would also add a fifth category, S for smell, I ain’t eating nothing that smells like dookie. Y’all understand.  So, really I guess its 3TPS of food.

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I love spoiled food. Well, sort of. Actually only a couple kinds of spoiled stuff. I love cheese. I mean, who wouldn’t want to eat this?

I love it, love it, love it. Its awesome, and there’s a cheese that’ll go with anything. But essentially, cheese is just rotten milk. 

I think I love it even more for that reason.  Here’s old nasty sour milk, and along comes a friendly bacteria and says, I can make this better than its ever been!  YAY!!!! Go bacteria!!  Score one for the prokaryotes!  Its amazing, the transformation from rancid, putrid, funky and sour to delcious is unbelievable.  Although sometimes the end product ends up smelling worse than pretty much anything I can imagine, right Limberger?  But usually the result is goodness so good, it hurts my mind and proves the existence of a higher being!  Yay cheese, yay God!

I always wondered when and how cheese got discovered.  I mean, you know that first cheese had to be funkalicious.  Who was the guy (or gal) that saw the old sour milk and thought, lets wait a while and see it something good happens.  Or, saw what was probably the first lumpy clotted jumble of proteins in the colloidal ecstasy of sour milk and thought, “I’d like to eat that!”  Well whoever it was, my hat is off to you!  Life would not be nearly so grand without it.

I guess the milk think has prompted other bold pioneers to experiment with other cheese like substances.  I know this will be no surprise, but I’ve heard that in some parts of Asia, they make a cheese-like substance out of fish.  They mash it up and ferment it and let unspeakable things happen for who knows how long, and then they eat it.  If I get the chance, I’m trying it- after someone else does, and only if they live.  MMM, fishy.

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